I know quite the cheery blog title but I think nothing sums up the last few months then that title.
First the positive:
A few weeks ago I did a great weekend in Kitchener Ontario (which for my money is the best club in the province) with Kenny Robinson and Kathleen Mcgee. It was quite refreshing to see a club bill the show correctly..warn the people what they were about to see was not the norm. We had some sold out shows and some not so sold out shows but I would rather play to 40 people into it then mongoloids in Kingston (I will get to that).
This would be the dream show for me to take across the country as I think that there is no one better in this country at this kind of comedy then Kenny. For 30 years he has written some of the best political and nastiest jokes ever. Look to the tour page for future shows with Kenny.
I posted some clips on youtube for the 400 loyal people who watch all my clips. If you could just sent me a dollar I could pay 1/12 of my expenses for this month.
I have also changed my mind for the taping in June. It will no longer be a cd but a dvd/cd recording. To do all the work is almost the same anyways. It wont be a full three hr type disc unless some crazy shit happens but it will be a good dvd all the same. I dont put out shitty product for a reason. I would rather wait a year then put out something I dont think is value.
I have been doing a lot of cartoon work which also pays the rent and a lot of fun to do. Thank god they dont care what i do on stage.
Now the negative..do we really have enough time and space:
Kingston Ontario February 2010
I was looking forward to returning to the town i always have loved and done well in. Past years I have drawn some good numbers in the town during the xrated comedy festival and I always try to bring new material. It had been over a year since I played it last and I have about 40 new minutes since the last time and was itching for good shows.
The first friday show is top five worse shows ever…not even saying that for drama. Undisputed
A group of twenty fucktards came in drunk and ready for a different kind of comedy show. The total crowd was 50 so you have to be careful when a group can over power the crowd. When a group is more then 1/3 the audience there are severe power issues that can come up. Ask anyone that has done comedy more then ten years and they will shiver like Joe Jackson at the will reading.
As soon as the opener goes on within a minute the group is yelling and being way too loud and it is impossible for the comic to get any kind of momentum going. He is forced to make fun of them and say stuff to then to try and quite them down. Now this has all the ingredients to be a show where some bad shit will go down, so I am a little punchy right of the bat.
I can be honest about that.
After you have been assaulted your radar starts to go off pretty quickly.
After about 20 minutes of this all of a sudden a guy jumps on stage and goes for the opener. Now my rule is as soon as someone is on stage you have to do something there is zero time to wait and see. So i am forced to run to the side stage a nd yell at the guy. This is how the audience gets introduced to the headliner. By me yelling
“Get the fuck off the stage”
“Easy tiny” is what he says to me
“Dont easy tiny me get the fuck off the stage”
then the guy sits back in his chair and you can see all 20 people in his group just cross their arms pretty much saying we are not going to laugh at the rest of the show.
At this point a woman gets up from their group and starts to talk to the owner in the front of the venue saying this is the worse show she ever seen and the comic sucks blah blah blah.
I walk up to her and say that he doesnt suck that they never gave him a chance with the yelling. She doesnt get it so i say this to her
“Lets say you are a waitress and that I am your manager. I grab a handfull of marbles and throw them on the ground then i say back to work and dont look down”
she says “but i am not a waitress”
and you are not an analogy either you dumb stunted cunt. I turn to leave she says
“is the headliner funny”
I turn back and she says to me “are u the headliner”
“Yes I am ”
“Are u funnier then this guy”
“No I am not and if i were you I would get the fuck out of here”
At this moment the opener is introducing my name from stage as i run “Darren FFFRRRROOOSSSTTT”
I get on stage and do a bit of a speech about how they never gave bobby a chance and they should never come on stage blah blah. The group of 20 get up and put their coats on to leave and we exchange word which i have all on tape. I tell them to fuck themselves and wish aids on their parents..i know i know.
They leave and the story is over …well not really.
The next day i pass the brand new police station that they have in beautiful Kingston. I decide to go in and find out my rights since i am being threatened more and more these days.
I speak to a lady behind a bullet proof glass through a phone and she passes the call upstairs to an officer. I explain what is happening and it goes like this
“So officer I just want know my rights if I get threatened”
“Wellll…if you are not a really good comedian ..maybe”
“Woah wait ..maybe you dont understand ..i am doing well someone heckles and put them in their place,,they are drunk and are pissed so they make it physical cause there judgement is off.”
“Well a better comedian would be able to handle a crowd..”
WTF. AT this point my ego is getting in the way andf i want to scream “I am funny …do i need to go over my credits to add validity to my question..do you know youtube”
Then he starts to quote the law for me
“Section 237 of the criminal code states that if someone utters a threat that you percieve to be real then you should call the police”
Something like that but it sounded good so he kept talking so i listen
“If you feel endangered blah blah blah”
Ok good to know
“Or if someone steals a small animal of yours like a small bird and utters threats”
I was like WTF are you talking about. Stop the talking when the law does not apply to me. What are you going to do read me all the laws in the book officer
Where did the bird come from…and if they steal the bird and i am not funny do i get the bird back. If I am a hack do they get to kill the bird.
Do you know that movie moment where there is a guy who is so angry on the phone he just wants to smash the end on the table over and over?
I wanted to give the guy the finger and say here is your little fucking bird.
I have never been that guys who hates cops. I have met some super cool cops in my day but now before i talk to any cop i am going to bring a small laptop with me and show some youtube clips to the officer to get the answers i need.
This is the road kids get ready for it
Tue, Jun 15, 2010
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