Time is a motherfucker
Anger is an energy
I am sitting on a train on my way to the Canadian Comedy Awards where I am nominated for two awards that I self nominated myself for. The last six months something has happened to me and I cant quite describe it. Fewer and fewer gigs excite me… fewer and fewer gigs I say YEAH that is why I do standup comedy.
Ever since I put out my 4th DVD to zero acclaim (which i knew was going to happen), I just have no will to produce new material. Lots of stuff has happened to me but I have no drive to turn it into material. I am afraid I have jumped the shark of my standup career.
The silly part is I have never been busier with my career when I combine all the cartoon work, acting work, and standup. First trips to Victoria and Namaimo in my 25 years as a standup…. thoughts of finally editing my heckler video from my back catalog. Is this just the ebb and flow of life and career? Time will tell.
Up until 6 months ago, I was fuck this I will stay committed to what I want to do. No one is going to stop me and then you just wake up one day and that fire is not there anymore. In the movie I AM COMIC, I was always interested in the section on why comics quit and now I am living with it. Too many days of convincing myself there is more to say when the tank is empty.
One of the hardest part is such a cliche but there is a reason they are cliches. My children are getting older and I only have so much time with them. Today is the first time I am missing a surgery for my oldest son. It really brings back memories of having to go on stage when they had open heart surgery.
The way I look at it is…every night I have to spend babysitting fucktards is one less night of being with my family.
There is good news… I just booked a role in a movie with Nicolas Cage for a few days and my scenes are with him. That should be good for the demo real of 8 second clips of me with famous people.
For now I have a weekend of shows to do for the comedy awards and lets hope i win just for the acceptance speech. I think if I don’t win I will post the speech here. It will be very representative of where I am right now.