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Bye Bye miss american bowl

So last night i performed in Lethbridge Alberta with Aaron Berg to five people total if we dont count employees.

The set up was in a bowling alley that screamed death but once we got there and saw the room was actually one of the best set up rooms I have seen.

There are many problems in this town i guess with meth and other drugs.  It has hit the town pretty hard.  This is pretty much what went down.

I get to the stage after Aaron does 45 minutes of chatting with the crowd and riffing.  So i go into some material but of course there is a drunk guy there who is not an asshole but when there is 5 people you have to go with the flow.  He starts to yell at me pretty quickly like this

“Blah Blah coke on my dick”

Somehow in the exchange he brings up santa clause and I ask him if that is what he is the town drunk santa and that he cant wait for xmas to get there so he can have little boys on his lap and ask them what they want for xmas

He thinks I ask him what he wants for xmas so he yells

“Red Lobster”

I said

“you telling me your biggest gift you could get is a red lobster…most people want millions of dollars or something life altering and all you want is to get ass cancer from shitty shrimp.  That way you can sit in your wheelchair at xmas and ask the young boys what they want for xmas and keep eating shitty shrimp”

This gets somewhat of a laugh from three people ..yeah more then have the room.

Then the guy gets up and postively heckles me and walks out

“You’re pretty good buddy”

I continue the show and it turns into some kind of staring match where i start to get a little crazy and they i say this

“I know aaron brought up the meth problem and hope the kids get off it..see i see the world differently then aaron…i hope more kids here turn to meth…I hope your whole town turns to meth so that way eventually it will just disappear.  Gone from the map totally”

Now the only people who pretty much laugh at this are the guy who runs the room, aaron and a guy who is old enough to understand that kind of anger.  He is 54 and already has told the room he wishes he never had kids with his daughter sitting right next to him.

I look at him whne he laughs at the meth line and say to him

“you like that one cause you are old enough to see the beauty in that line…you are angry enough to understand the frustration of what is going on here…all you young people still have hope and think it will all be ok but i am old enough to know that we are all swimming in a vat of piss looking for apples juice…me and this guy are old enought to accept the fact we are going to swallow piss for the rest of our lives and you youngins still are trying to build up a tolerance to piss”

the shows ends very awkwardly which i am very good at and then we sit at the bar and are told from the five that they really enjoyed the show and that they hope we come back.  The dad in me just wanted to rub their teary dead eyes and say try not to swallow too much piss kid.