Kumbaya My Fucktard…Kumbaya

Mon, Nov 26, 2012

Blog, News

It has been a long time since I have had really strong feelings about a show.  One where I know that when you read it you will be like “come on …you are embellishing shit…you changed it to make it look worse”

I wish

I know young comics sometimes read this blog so please stop reading now if you still live in the land of chocolate and love comedy.  Stay in the light ..stay in your happy place

London November 23rd Late Show

This was was going to be my return to a club that I have not played in over four years.  Past owners treated me like a douchbag and felt it was acceptable i was assaulted in their club so i said as long as they owned the club I am not going back.

The comedy club was taken over by new owners so I said sign me up.  I started in London 20 years ago and it is a good comedy town so i wanted to go back.  Other comics had told me the club was nice and that I would like it.  The staff cares about comedy and wants it to work.  Great let me get in there before they die inside, or see the same cheer-leading comic three times celebrate their anniversary at different times of the year.

Friday late show is a terrible show for the most part…this is old territory if you read my blob.  People are tired or pre drunk before the show and just leads to hammer fights for me.

On Thursday and the early Friday show I was a comedy god killing it.  I could do no wrong.  The staff are telling me how great I am and that they had never seen anything like this before blah blah blah.  Now the late show has a smaller crowd but still 90 people which is not bad considering the state of comedy in canada.  So i dig my heels in which you have to do and just get through it.  I am doing like maybe a six of seven out of ten and I have noticed this guy in the front has not laughed once at all during the show.  At one point during an awkward place at around 15 minutes i said to the crowd do you want me to sing KUMBAYA MY LORD is that what you want?

Cut to 25 minutes later I am still doing about the same and I am doing a new bit where I bring up the fact I am not a lucky guy and say “in the last five years i have fought cancer, diabetes, two of my children have had open heart surgery” then I do another chunk in the same bit.  During a moment between bits the guy who has not laughed once during the show yells out

“what kind of cancer did you have” and you can feel the whole show stop on a dime.  Now please understand if this guy was liking the show and was curious about it then i would have just told him and moved on.  I knew he was saying this to fuck the show up.  No one is that socially retarded to do that so I know what he is doing it.

We go back and forth and I make fun of him and then I tell the people in the crowd about my cancer and it gets really quiet and awkward.  I release some of the tension by going after the guy and blaming him but he still keeps it up and feels justified about asking the question.

Then he says ” I didn’t appreciate you bringing up cancer”

Bingo I was right all along…. I knew it..I knew his intentions all along and I am glad I did what I did instead of leaving it alone

Ahh the old I didn’t appreciate something so I am going to make sure the comic knows how I FEEL.

I then lay into him with the standard “he is not everyone in the crowd” cliche and scream some more.  Then it goes quiet and I stare at the audience for a good ten seconds.  You could hear a pin drop…I wait for the right moment and I yell out


applause break

and scene.

I do another ten minutes and kill..why do i kill cause of the charity of the situation ..I just fought the bad man who tried to hurt me after i had cancer.  The crowd ate it up after that.  I want this guy to come to all of my shows and yell cancer three minutes in.  After the show people tell me it was the greatest thing they ever saw.  One woman grabs my hand and says to me “I have skin cancer too”.  Another girl is a little teary eyed and just says to me “that was … so … moving”.  In the back of my head I am thinking i have to get divorced so i can take advantage of all this charity sad pussy i can get.

I just walk on stage say cancer show my arm and bow. Cue suckjobs

this isnt what I wanted …..

ps: I have it all on tape

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