Darrenfrost.com | The Official Website of Darren Frost » History http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog Fri, 12 Aug 2011 04:28:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 Film http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/film/ http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/film/#comments Fri, 02 Jan 2009 03:01:29 +0000 admin http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/?p=562 Film Yes the section we can all enjoy. Watch the blur on the screen and freeze frame the action. Then you can say to your friend “I think I saw Cop #2 suck once at a comedy club” Whether it is three seconds with Michael Douglas or eight seconds with Leslie Neilson…it doesn’t matter it still gets to go on my resume. I still get to brag.     Fever Pitch   What do you get when you cross Jimmy Fallon, The Farrelly Brothers, Drew Barrymore and a fat teacher…
.my promo/main press release for the year. Come watch forthe amount of time it takes for Micheal Jackson to find the black spots left on his body… my tour de force. I spent weeks eating twinkies and lying on different parts of my side to get ready for this big role. A little side note: after each take the one farrelly brother said “you are amazing consistent”… that should go on a resume for when I go back to work for blockbuster.         Assault on Precinct 13       So here is a case where you shoot something and it is way longer when you do it then when it comes out. Then you say “Hey maybe in the special features of the dvd I will be in it for more” A big fat NO. The big time…lines in a big hollywood feature…cut down from 7 to one..and not a funny one either. My parents watched the film and asked “where were you”. I told them I was the black mover in the scene I am in. I said they didn’t know it was me cause I was acting. A little side note: look for hugh dillon in the beginning of the film die like a good cop.         All You Got   So this was a small picture some guys were making on the fly and asked me if I was interested in playing a part in it. To be honest I had never really met any of them before but they heard I can play angry and weird
like peanut butter and chocolate go together. So once again I went to some abandoned warehouse and screamed for a few hours and then eight months later I get a ticket to the release. It turned out way better then you expect with these kinds of things. I still use the footage for my demo reel cause lord knows I don’t have enough crazy on it.         Milo 55160   This was a short film that was done for the canadian film center. See Stranded below for more info on
the center. So I had worked earlier in the year with this great director and he asked me to play this part of a guy who had died and is in kinda like a weigh station of life. This is the second time I have worked with Patrick Mckenna and it was a great time had by all. This short film has won many awards and has been screened at many of the top festivals shorts and features. It recently won a genie award and I could not go to the party cause Daddy has to pay the rent by yelling at the kids in small towns.         Santa Who       The bigtime working for Disney…..oh boy oh boy. This actually turned out to be a nice little movie that could. It did well for Disney at the time. A Christmas movie where I did my best Elton John elf impression for cash. You should see me with fake ears on and singing “somebody saved my life tonight” Brings tears to my eyes still.It airs some years on the family channel and is also available on DVD in some regions. Nothing really shocking to be told. I was Tmmy Davidson’s sidekick. The only dirt is that the other two elves where paid as extras and I made serious cash in comparison. This is on of the evil sides of the business. The director of the movie was a great guy who worked on some big TV projects. He co-created a show called elephant parts in the early 80’s and directed dinosaurs for FOX in the 90’s. Side note: Met Red Green and helped me score role on duct tape.         Red Green Movie       The movie that sold so many copies it never went gold but went duct tape. There is a back story to this picture that not many people know. I first met Steve Smith (Red Green) on the set of the Disney movie Santa Who. I spoke a little with him in between takes dressed as an elf. He was impressed with my acting enough that he asked me to audition for the role of the sheriff in the Red Green feature. From there I landed the role and spent the summer filming in various locations throughout Ontario.I really enjoyed myself and had high hopes that the picture would do well. It never did very well at the box office but very few Canadian films do. It found a life on video and TV. I rarely advertise that I was in this picture for standup shows. The main reason is the average Red Green fan would not find my standup that humorous. It is a family show and I respect that. Most Red Green fans don’t understand my fascination for third world hunger jokes or calling people fuckface.I have worked with Patrick McKenna (Harold) a few times since the film and he is one of the classiest guys. I shot a short film with him that is coming out in the late spring 2004. He is one of the few guys I can be around and not want to throw up because of how nice he is. I am sure he is proud of that.       Wild Iris       Ok how many people can say they had a prosthetic cock with a guy working a pump..Marky Walberg and I. Backstory: a Showtime film that starred Laura Linney and Emile Hirsch. My job was to play a dirty gas attendant. The scene in the picture is me watching a TV show, where a women is getting smacked around and I get turned on. A bell goes off to signal someone needs gas and I just stare at the TV. The kid beside me looks at my bulge in my pants and says “I guess I will get it”. It took a few times to get the right amount of air in the plastic cock. I say the more the merrier which only works on this set and gang bangs.A little side note to this picture is that the kid (Emile Hirsch) who stared at my bulge is now the biggest thing in Hollywood. He starred in the “The Girl Next Door” and the “Dangerous Lives of the Alter Boys”. At the time he was just an up and comer and a really nice kid. Once he found out that I did standup he became my biggest fan that day asking all kind of questions etc. His dad was a nice guy as well and I had to tell him my act was not appropriate for a kid his age. At the wrap party (I never go to wrap parties normally cause they are uncomfortable for me) I was able to talk to him some more and I am really happy that a nice kid who worked hard made it. I think I am going to become nicer……yeah just like I am going to become the next big Alaskan water skier.       Don’t
Say A Word       The biggest movie that I have been in so far all and all three seconds of it was heaven. I had one scene with Michael Douglas. I played a janitor and he needed to get into a locked room. That was it. It took two days to film the scene from different angles. Michael was quite pleasant and remembered my name the second day. At that moment I thought, wow maybe he likes me and that he will say to me “You remind me of my friend Danny Devito”. Then I would meet Danny and any job he could not do I would do. To be the poor man’s Devito is better
then being the poor man’s Canadian mascot king. Alas, it was not meant to be. To be honest I spent less time with Michael then you reading this paragraph.Everyone always asks about what he was like. To be honest I did not really say anything to him. He meets 200 guys like me a year. What am I going to say “Hey I loved you in Wall Street.” or my favorite “If you are tired of throwing it into your wife I wouldn’t mind a try.”There is a side story to this short adventure. The director did a great movie called “Things To Do In Denver
When You Are Dead”. During a setup he came to me and said that he had heard I am a standup. I always get uneasy when this happens because then I have to try and be a dancing monkey. I can never be funny under these terms. We were about to film the shot of me opening the door for Michael. The director says to me “you have five minutes to think of something to make it funny.”Talk about pressure. There is no dialogue and barely any action. How could I make this shot funny. So what I added a line during rehearsal. As Michael walks through the door I say “If you need anything else (door shuts in face)…I will be right here”. Everyone laughs and the director says “Darren you know comedy!” Even Michael came back through the door nodding his head at me like he was saying “That’s what Devito would do.” Here is the problem in all show business…..film the rehearsal. The next time, when the camera was rolling the door slammed earlier and the scene was not as funny because of it. Comedy is timing people and after the flub of the door they cut the line. We went back to the basic shot and my chances of dining out with Michael were sabotaged. Michael call me please..call me.       Zeke   This is a short film shoot that is still being edited three years after we completed principle photography. It was a short about one mans war against biggest pest. It was shot in a day in black and white and I hope to one day at least see it so I can say “Darren keep the hair short”. For some reason I like these photos…I guess cause I did not know they were being taken so they are natural..naturally me sucking that is…or in my case that would be called Getting into Character.         Providence       This is a 30 mintue short film that is currently in editing and will be making the rounds of short film festivals. We filmed this at the end of last year. I have yet to see it but I hope it turns out… everyone worked very hard on it. The thing about shorts is that you spend hours upon hours and in the end you ask yourself was it worth it.       Roy and Suzi       This was the second video we shot in a day. Someone did not show up and we needed a female. Of course who has a wig and beddazler top in his trunk… yours truly? We had like ten minutes of tape left and
we shot this three minute short. It is pretty twisted and it is one of the only videos I warn people about. This is
not for everyone, in fact the costar Johnny Gardhouse refuses to even talk about it. I showed this at Clintons Pirate Video one night, and I have never heard 40 people collectively gasp at the same time. You have been warned… happy clappy fun boys stay home.       Stranded       This was a short film that I did for the Canada Film Centre. In the past year I have done a few shorts for up and coming directors. This was the second project that I worked with this director. These shorts are shot and used for school. I played a guy shipwrecked with his brother and asshole friend.       Dean and Jerry       I booked a small role on the Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis story that aired on CBS. I played a guy who pisses Dean off during a circus movie shoot. In the end they cut the scene but the director was a classy guy who sent the tape with the scene. He just said that sometimes these things happen. My big moment ruined. Sean Hayes played Jerry and he was a nice guy. Jeremy Notham played Dean and he was standoffish. ]]> http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/film/feed/ 0 Standup http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/standup/ http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/standup/#comments Fri, 02 Jan 2009 02:41:46 +0000 admin http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/?p=558 If you close your eyes hard enough and then wack yourself upside the head with a large stick. That ringing in your ears and that disorientated feeling is the same one I get from standup these days. From great shows to gigs where I threaten to kill myself. The same feeling comes over me like a wave.

A wave of gutterall alley piss washing away the goodness and leaving me in the outback woods of British Columbia. Here is the story a young boy who just wanted the love off the world and one special raccoon.

 

The Happy Clappy Fun Boy Years 92-97

Hard to believe I started out as the happiest comic in the world. Doing very odd material and touring the country headlining clubs by 95-96. I went through a number of catch phrases. The one I am most known for was “Good for Me!!” I still have many people coming up to me and saying that to me. Things were great in the beginning because you really want a crowd to love what you are doing. It is hard work becoming a comic who can do a 45 minute set and I threw my whole life into it.

So what happened? Well a few things in succession. The first problem is that being a character comic you can’t really change gears mid set. You have to commit to it and either kill or die a horrible death. One night you are killing and the next you are thinking…maybe the funny pants are a mistake in Saskatchewan. I also had a problem (ego alert) with trying to craft good jokes and people only remembering the catch phase “Good for Me”. I know…who cares Darren this is just all bullshit in your head and quite the jerkoff session. It started to get to me, that I worked hard on the writing end and received nothing for it.

Finally, I started to write material that was more appropriate for a mid twenty year old. It is hard to try and do a third world hunger joke with funny pants on. So one night on amateur night we retired the pants. We hung them from the ceiling of the club and I changed into a suit and said goodbye to the clothes forever. At the end of the night Jack and I did a “Whose on First” on crack routine. Jack felt that I did it better with the funny pants on…so much to the chagrin of the audience I put the funny pants back on one more time. The crowd was yelling “NO…don’t do it…live for today …don’t look back” etc. That was the last time I wore those pants……

Little Man Hate Years 96-Now

It was hard to convert out of something as safe as an act that works but you have to do it. So I started out writing a new act. Yes it was angrier and more in your face but that came later. They were just jokes that did not include cocks or pussies. Some of it was intelligent and some not so much. It took me a few years to really get the character where I was happy with it. Many shows of me killing and then saying the wrong thing and boom they hate me.

“Darren Frost…the only comic who can go form 60 to zero in two lines.” Mark Walker This is also where I started doing a lot of alternative rooms. Most comics there are alternative to funny but I found a smaller group that actually were doing something different. Most of my stories that work in my act today were groomed at the Rivoli or Clintons in Toronto.

I started to get noticed from doing the angry thing. Most people had some angry jokes but no one was doing it for more then five minutes. That is when I started to just be who I was and the anger came naturally. Hey, I know it is not everyone’s cup of tea but if I brew it, it is my tea.

Cut to 2004 and I am taping a comedy special this summer for the comedy network. What will happen who knows but it will be fun doing it I can guarantee that.

Top Ten Worse Shows of All Time

1. Niagara College October 99: Banned …have since played
2. Brock University October 99: Banned…have since played
3. Fairview Alberta Winter 97…a woman threatened to cut me and meant it
4. Prince Albert Winter 2002…first time I ever threaten to kill myself on stage and people cheered
5. Western University Winter 2004…they may think they are intelligent but hey even monkeys that jerk off are around professors sometimes
6. London Yuk Yuks 2000…threaten to rape a hecklers grandchildren and had 20 minutes left…yeah hard to be the nice guy after that
7. Vancouver Yuks 2003….35 people had to be kicked out…first time I said to a guy “talking to you is like punching retarded fish..what’s the point”
8. Calgary Yuks 1997….owner of club thought I was suicidal cause I bombed that badly
9. Brampton Bar Gig 2002….was told that I had to be nice and not swear and everyone in the crowd was telling me to fuck off literally
10. Seneca College 1999…death threats and college kids…they go together like peanut butter and chocolate…not.

Road Stories

Every few weeks I am going to post a road story. It could be about a current show or a past one that deserves special mention.

Niagara College October 1999

This gig is still one of the best stories I could ever tell. The printed word can not do this story justice but oh well here goes.

Niagara is known to be the worst college gig in Canada. Why I am the only one willing to say it in the printed word I don’t know. The kids get hammered and never listen to
the show. But Daddy needed the 250. I guess that is the going rate for the soul of a comedian 250 Canadian and some free nachos.

I am on stage for less then five minutes and I do a limp bizkit joke and some rugby team at the back starts heckling.

“Fuck you …Limp Bizkit is cool…” etc etc

I say to the nice gentlemen

“Hey kids….I am not new at this… we can do this my way which is nice…… or your way is not nice.”

“Fuck you asshole why don’t you just be funny” (or something like that ..it always ends up this way so I might be paraphrasing)

“Look buddy if you don’t shut up I am going to strip naked, jump off the stage and rub my ass on you and if you think I am fucking around just keep pushin”

“Fuck yo…you don’t have the balls”

“Oh don’t I” as I look to the security guy standing beside the stage doing nothing. “I warned these fucking kids” I say to the security guy. So I slowly took my clothes off one at a time and cupped my cock and jumped off the stage and ran at the guy. The audience parted like the red sea. The mouthy one took off but his buddy started up. I jumped up on his buddy’s shoulder and grinded my ass into his shirt

“Oh man…gross get off me man….”

I then slowly walked back to the stage cupped my cock and waited for the kids to sit again. Then I simply and calmly asked “Do you guys want me to put my clothes back on”

“Yes” they all unanimously replied

“Well you know what I hate you kids so much I am not putting my clothes back on.”

So I did most of my act half naked and then put my clothes back on and introduced the next comic. There is more to this story but it is internal political comic bullshit about the other guy so fuck it.

A little side note is that there was an article in the local paper about this incident (click picture to read article). If you notice in the article the picture, I never smile for the camera ever in promo shots. In this icture I have the biggest shit eating grin cause I know what is coming next and the kids don’t believe I will do it. Also notice they call me Darren Little AKA Frost. What the fuck is that…gotta love amateurs.

I did go back to the college but never to the night show or that campus. This has been the gig that has haunted my career….in a good way. I hope you have enjoyed my journey down memory lane. More to come as soon as I remember them.

Boat Cruise

2002 Summer

Have you ever thought to yourself …how can I make this comedy thing even more fun. How about putting it on a boat for three hours with people who normally do not go to comedy shows and try to ease them into it.

That is exactly what happened one summer night. 300 lackies who eat a lame all you can eat buffet and listen to three comics whoring themselves like sea monkeys on crack.

This is why I do not do these kinds of shows anymore. I agreed to do the gig and said I would play nice and do a somewhat clean set. Halfway through the set I saw some flashing lights and a boat come up beside the SS Titanic. It turns out that a couple were so affended with my show they would rather WATER TAXI off the boat then listen to the last ten
minutes of my set.

Now I was not the headliner that night and the manager of the show was quite upset with me and asked how I felt. Normally I would be rather proud of this accomplishment. Wow I am the only person in the history of Toronto comedy where someone water taxied off a boat.

Alas, I felt bad since I agreed to play nice. At the moment the manager was trying to tear me a new asshole, over the speaker you could hear the headliner Kerry Talmage (www.kerrytalmage.com…..rest in peace). He was doing a bit about the noise a pussy makes when it farts. As we both stopped talking and listened to the speaker all I could say was

“Hey man, they may of watertaxied off because of me, but if they heard that they would have swam to shore.”

Boats are not funny and never will be fucky. That was one of the last shows I did with Kerry and if you have time please visit his site. Talmage passed away a few months ago and he is missed.

]]> http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/standup/feed/ 0 Commercials http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/commercials-2/ http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/commercials-2/#comments Fri, 02 Jan 2009 02:22:08 +0000 admin http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/?p=551       Comcast       So I thought maybe now I am 35 I would leave the nerd stage behind and move into creepy old man with van and candy stage. This is a commercial that is currently airing in the early part of 06. The premise is get more for less…they bring me in “less” and the guy switches me for a small parcel. I am the epitomy of less. My high school theatre teacher would be proud. Hey forget pinter plays…self deprecation for whore money is where it is at.       Shaftsbury Beer:
Zombie Spot       So a bunch of comics got together and we entered a commercial competition for a western beer company. The idea of the spot is that the world is over and that zombies are chasing this one guy and while the chase is on they stumble across beer and take a bit of a break. We didn’t win but I will try and post the spot by the end of the month.               The Listerine Action Hero   Oh the gold Jerry. I was not the first Listerine bottle and I will not be the last. I like to call myself the Val Kilmer of the series. Broody and hard to work with. For those who do not remember or understand this is for you. A guy thinks Listerine is the action hero for your gums and makes a costume and tries to hook up with Adam West at a book signing. This was my first time in the bottle and two more commercials followed. They replaced me with someone for the last commercial
and I just hope they did not febreeze the suit because I had a rash. These commercials were fun since I made good money and no one rarely recognized me. Then I learned a valuable lesson…commercials are just a bandage on a head
wound. They mean nothing in the bigger picture of your career. You cannot build a career out of mascots although I tried for years.         Listerine Animated       The second spot that I did as the bottle. They took my head and animated it for the commercial. From this one client I have been a mascot a commercial and an action figure. They made three thousand bobble heads with my head on it for promo. I can almost die a happy Canadian celebrity. I mean who can say they have had an action figure. Maybe the littlest hobo.             Hermes Microsoft   Another big spot that rarely ran. Why is it that the good ones never run for long. I was painted gold head to toe in the heat of the summer and gallivanted all over town. I hope to one
day post this spot here if Microsoft will let me …yeah NOT. This had the famous line “Herpes get back to work!”              Labatt Blue Demo   When directors have time off or need to create stuff to fill a portfolio they shoot demo spots. I have been in a few and this was
my first if I remember correctly. It is a cute spot with a guy who cannot believe he is here on the alter. Kinda like what am I doing with my life at the moment. Fourteen hours later the free spot was finished and no I did not get to keep the tux.             PetAdvice.com   This was another spec spot for a director who had some down time. It is a funny spot in the old school ways. It was a street joke that was made into a commercial. The other guy in the spot is Derek Thompson a funny comic and actor. The guy brings in his dead dog for some tests. I bring in a dog and cat o sniff the body and then charge him $650 for the LAB work and CATscan. I know… I know.           Leons - Valentines   Another big spot for me. This is the one commercial I get recognized the most for. A guy comes to the door with candy then flowers and finally a couch on his back to woo a girl. I actually almost got into a fight with a guy and then he recognized me and asked me how to get into the business. I even called him on it. “We were going to go, and now you want to know how to get an agent” Gotta love show biz.       Ontario Lottery: Cash For Life Fairy     Yes… I know what you are saying…what another FUNNY costume. Hey they were nice, and I worked with a director who was there in the beginning of Saturday Night Live. To be honest we all know I get a kick out of spreading my fungus around the country…I pity the regional cash for life fairy. I also had a print campaign where I was in every convenience store which can be odd when you go in to buy porn.       Telus     This was a big campaign in Alberta only in 1998. There were two spots with me doing plays with a knife/fork in a diner and popsicle sticks on a bus. I have to admit they are pretty funny and I still use one on my demo reel where normally people shy away from that kinda stuff on their reels. I won a Bessie award for Best Actor in a Commercial in Canada at the nationwide advertising awards that year due to these spots.There I was, the bright lights of an award show and listening to spike lee tell me how great Nike was. I had to actually go up and say something as a thanks. All I could say was “My mom always said ‘You have a misshaped head you should be on tv’. I thank her and accept this award for every misshaped headed actor” Then they did a print campaign to match the commercials. That is what the second pic is from. If you still are receiving this in the mail please let me know…they have to pay me for that kinda thing.                     The Bell Dime       Five commercials in one day. Yes once again I donned a piece of plastic and was seen running around the streets of Toronto. The thing about these commercials is they only ran for one month but people think they ran for a year since they aired during survivor and everyone saw the shit out of them. The director was cool and so were the agency people. We even did a few shots of me just wandering around with real people and no one said anything like it was a normal day in big old Toronto. If you notice I am talking to a young boy who is the same boy who played my son in the MRA pig commercial.       Adelphia Cab       One of the worst commercial shoots I have had in a long time. I had to recite this hideous line over and over again. The premise is two guys fishing and one is talking about fishing line and the other is talking about cable line. So when the guy asks me what kind of line am I using, I say “Broadband
coaxial with interconnective options offering a multitude of connections”… or something like that. Do you see the funny… The one thing about this commercial is CBC was doing a little documentary on the fact that the same people are
seen in commercials over and over again. So hey profiled a bunch of actors including me and then in the end I got it. That damn CBC is always right.       Canadian Tire       This was the same director as the Ring My Bell campaign for Molson that I did. Four average joes shopping at Canadian tire to the song Hey Big Spender. When we were shooting we were supposed to pick up these drills and walk out of shot but my got stuck and almost pulled the whole rig down. They all laughed and they kept that in the commercial. Oh can’t ya just taste the unexpected. Fun shoot, for two days as they filmed the version for Montreal at the same time. The difference between the two spots was that we looked like the guys from deliverance (who is ned beaty you choose) and the guys from Quebec looked like they came form a model shoot from Milan. Canadian Tire in Quebec……car lube and anal lube all in one store. There was a second spot that was four women who were supposed to be our wives but to be honest they were too hot for us guys. I mean they should have had more bingo wives then Holt Renfrew.       Future Shop       This was the first commercial that I realized I had a money shot. This was a commercial with fishing and a guy (me) accidently hooks his line around a ghettoblaster and launces it into the water. After the box hit the water I rolled my eyes from side to side in a nervous twitch and the rest is history. I have used that in almost all of my commercials since. This was famous since it ran during the last Seinfeld in Canada.       Casino Rama       This was a commercial for a local casino near Toronto. The spot entailed a limo driver driving the stars like Micheal Bolton and Kenny Rogers to the casino where they were scheduled to perform. The driver lets go of the wheel and the car goes underwater …through a field and jungle etc. Don’t get too excited ..I did not get to work with these musical greats. Cest La Vie       Heiniken       This was shot for Italy only and was a Halloween spot. The premise is they scare the girl at the door and then she drops her beer and we get scared. It was quick and directed by the same guy who I did the leather chef with. They had a karokee
machine during breaks and that was one of the first times I belted out Sweet Child O Mine. I have some footage of me as the leather chef doing it as well and may post it later in the year.       Leons       I shot three spots of me doing bad standup about furniture. Like this one “Why did Jerry Hall need new furniture…she got rid of her old rocker!!!” You try selling that over and over.       Labatt Blue Light       This is the one commercial I have made the most from. It played in the us during hockey season for two years. It had a hockey playing bear in net. I am chosen after the bear for teams. Like
said LOSER… I get paid to be a LOSER. Where is the love people?       MRA       This is a commercial for a roofing company in the States. I had to get my hair dyed and a fake nose put on. I actually freaked out when they did the face plaster cast. The premise is the three little pigs go shopping for a roof and the big bad wolf
wants them to buy cheap roofing. The big bad wolf was played by Julian Ritchings.       Molson Ring My Bell       This was my first commercial campaign and only my second spot. It was two commercials that ran in the summer of 98 I believe. It had the song ring my bell throughout both commercials. In the second spot they actually had hot girls around me. I even thought…. wow I could maybe score with these ladies but then I realized they just wanted me to be their fat friend who made them laugh. So I danced like a monkey and had a great time. They made a third in the series but I was busy selling my ass for gutterball alley.       Swiss Chalet       I know what you are thinking…how could a short, overweight, balding actor ever play an elf. Have you not heard of the method actor. For thirteen days I went to Santa’s Village in Bracebridge and talked to the summer employees and found out elves like gin. The spot was a xmas spot where the mail from Swiss Chalet got mixed up with Santa’s. I had one line “Toblerone Bar”. That was it. Cut to three years later and I am getting my haircut and the person cutting it asked if I was an elf in a commercial and recited the line. The weird part is I never said I was an actor he just asked. Talk about odd but his breath smelled like gin so you never know. The overall importance of this spot is that it was my first and I am welling up with tears just thinking about it. Commercials are like little babies and some unlike this one should be youthanized.       Swithboard.com       This is a spot where I played a yellow pages delivery guy and people throw them out of the window of their high rise cause no one uses phone books anymore due to the net. This was my first US national spot and everyone said get ready Darren this is the big time you are going to make big money. They call it Fuck You Money. Well when everything was said and done it was more like Fuck Me money. I could afford a better brand of tissue paper to jerk off in and that was about it. Not complaining just the way it was. They shut down part of Adelaide street in downtown Toronto during rush hour for two days. Can you fucking believe it. When you have American money you can do whatever you want.       ATA Airlines       ATA Airlines (me and Sean Cullen…the pic of me looking angry and a guy makes a funny face). This spot was done with the famous Sean Cullen. These were done in Montreal a few years ago right when Sean Cullen was being billed as the next big thing in comedy. For once I got to be the straight guy and he had to be the dancing monkey. Ohh monkeys… don’t get me thinking again.       Cache Valley Cheese       This spot was shot years ago and was a weird spot. It came back and is currently running in Utah. Hey who new that mormons buy cheese I thought they made it themselves. ]]> http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/commercials-2/feed/ 0 Audio & Video http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/audio-video/ http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/audio-video/#comments Fri, 02 Jan 2009 01:55:24 +0000 admin http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/?p=537

Audio/Video

Here we are. The stuff I can only show on the web cause everyone is either scared of what I do… or scared of what I think I can do. I hope you enjoy it. Most websites cannot afford to have video… I can’t afford not too. Warning some videos for mature audiences only. And yes if you have enough money I will do anything.

 

    YOUTUBE.COM   FUNNYORDIE.COM

ROOFTOPCOMEDY.COM

  TWITTER.COM      

Let’s face it ..I am an internet whore

         

The Headstones Collection

      Come On     (click on picture to play video)    
 
Electronic Press Kit
(click pic for video)
 
Blowtorch
(click on picture to play video)
 
Reframed
(click on picture to play video)

A few years ago I was friends with MikeBullard and I was hanging out there when his show first started. One episode the Headstones were guests doing panel. After the show Mike said that the Headstones had recognized me and were fans of my comedy. So taking Mike’s advice I went up to Hugh and Trent at the bar to tell them I thought they were funny on the show. Hugh just turned to me and said blankly “thanks” and went back to his chat with Trent. Now I laughed out loud cause I thought Mike was fucking with me and that they did not know who I was and I am a big ass.The next week I ran into Mike and commented on how he screwed me. He then said that he was being honest and that they must not have recognized me with my hat and coat on. So
I went to their web page and emailed the band and found out that they actually are very big standup comedy fans.

A few months later I was contacted to help do an electronic press kit for their greatest hits album. When I arrived to discuss what they wanted to do, I met a fine fellow named Mark Ricconelli. From that moment myself Mark and a business
partner of mine Scott Rondeau formed a three man crew and did the three projects. Come On/Blowtorch/EPK.

The first video Come On was pretty successful in terms of how funny it turned out. Everyone we showed it to loved it, and thought it was one of the best videos they had seen in a while. On a budget of only 200 dollars I was quite proud of the work that we all did. Unfortunately, Muchmusic felt other wise and contuned to play more corporate rock and Britney videos. Hey they know what sells orange juice not I.

From that one shoot we edited together the other two videos. The Electronic Press Kit which bands use to publicize a new album, is really just a longer version of come on. The video for Blowtorch is another story. When we were hired
to do the video for Reframed, a video for Blowtorch appeared on the web as a bootleg. Now only three people owned the footage of that video and I was one. My business partner was the other and the director of Come On Marc was the third. There was no way that Marc did this and for sure my good old buddy Scotty would not do this.

So I started to become furious at the thought that someone did something with this footage without my knowledge. I had to download it from the web of some nice kid in Edmonton

and look at it myself. That was the first time I saw the video. When we did Come On, we were not sure what song the single was going to be. So we had to film me singing the lyrics to both Come On and Blowtorch. The footage of me fucking up the words to Blowtorch was the bootleg video. My buddy Scotty leaked it to the Internet and did not tell me so it would be an official bootleg. The moral of the story is don’t trust anyone. I hope you enjoy the three
videos that were made for 200 dollars. Click
here for more pictures.

After the dust had settle from the facts that Come On received little airplay, we said hey lets do another cheap video. So I came up with an idea, that I thought fit with the image of the band and our budget. The Headstones were playing a local club date to release their newest cd Oracle of HiFi. So I came out with the idea of Grand Theft Video. Four guys with cameras run in, tape just that song and run out, all in real time. No fudging with the camera’s…no editing out bloopers…whatever happened happens. That is how we came to the first version that is currently on the Headstones web page. I think that it captures what the band is about and the feeling of being there.

The version that is posted here is the newer by a week version. We sat down and said that the video needed an extra push so we jazzed it up a little bit with video tricks and editing. It still has the same idea just makes it a little more MTV.

Other then fans trading this amongst each other I believe that this video never received one airplay on traditional tv. Oh well fuckem…that is why I started my own web page ten years ago. If they won’t show it I will. I hope you enjoy my display of the big middle finger to the show business world.                              

Comedy Shorts

      Beer Girl     (click on picture to play video)       A few years ago one of my business partnerswas approached to bid for a series of short comedy bits for a website beer.com. On the site they had a lot of hot woman with beers doing photo shoots so we thought instead of doing a proposal lets do a mock video to show what wethink is funny. That is how we arrive at Beer Girl. Click here for more pictures. I have done this crack whore character for a few years and we thought that Samantha would

perfect. So this is her photo shoot. Warning: Not for everyone… especially younger folks.

The side note to this video is not only did they enjoy this video but they posted it with the other hot girl videos. Each guy get to rate how hot that girl was. Out of 55 women I was voted seventh hottest overall. I would hate to be
number 8. Based on this video we won the contract and we did a series of shorts for them.

The second video that I did was called beer fairy and is quite self explanatory. What do you do with your empties? Click here for more pictures.     Beer Fairy   (click on picture to play video)           Freak in a Box     (click on pic for video)       My first big tv break was being profiledon a show called on the arts where I was followed around for a night as I competed in a comedy competiton. The thing about comedy competitions is that after your first one younever do one again. Anyways the guy who was the producer of my segment contacted me do help with a new project.

In the late nineties lots of web pages started up thinking they would replace tv for comedy content and although they tried hard very few where successful. It takes a lot of money to keep these pages going. This is where freak in
a box comes in. We had a few short meetings and decided to have a character that is an elevator operator with problems. We shot two videos and this is the first. I hope you enjoy it. I would love to get my hands on the second one since
it was alittle more gruesome. I will keep trying. Click here for more pictures.       The Leather Chef       Welcome to the world of leatherand food. I must admit I had nothing to do with the conception of the character the leather chef but I wish I did. A great director started a web page called unpluggedtv.com and has had content on there for a few years. They contactedme to do the leather chef. It is the first S&M cooking show. There are five episodes currently posted at unpluggedtv.com and has it’s own fan site at www.leatherchef.com. Most of the jokes and dialogue was improvised and has a certain

style on purpose. It is not over the top in the joke department cause we want the feeling of “is this real or just a joke” now you know it is a joke but most don’t go there from my site. Click
here for more pictures.

Click
here to view the 5 Leather Chef videos on the unpluggedtv.com
website.       Old Lady       This is a video that is a little hard tosee on the web but I still think it works and has to be here. I did some shows out on a western tour and I was in a small town near the coast. I did a show where the crowd loved how angry I got except for one woman. After the showshe approached me and called me the devils child. I asked if she would say it on camera and she said yes. For thirty five minutes she tried to tell me why I am not funny in any sense. I cut it down to 9 minutes and bingo a short classic is created. Many comics love it because it is kinda

symbolic to what we have to play to on the road. It ain’tall standing ovations and free beer… sometimes you wish you were a hand model.

Due to the size of the file if you would like to see it, please email Darren and he can send it to you. ]]> http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/audio-video/feed/ 0 Other http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/other/ http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/other/#comments Thu, 01 Jan 2009 18:00:21 +0000 admin http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/?p=602 Other     Xmas Picture       For a long time I was in a duo where the other person did not realize we were a duo. I just hang out quite a bit and do shows with a great edgy comic. Mainly we would be hosting amateur night in downtown Toronto. We would go on stage and do a crack head version of whose one first. Or Jack would go on stage and say the stage was a mess and I would come on and vacuum the stage so it was clean for Jack to perform on. It was a quite a funtime. I had always had this idea for a great picture and Jack was a photographer as well so we took this twisted Xmas picture. We were going to use it for a Xxmas show but alas all things must come to an end. We never did the show but I still love the image.     El Guardo       In 1999 I lived in LA with a few comics and I bought a Mexican wrestling mask. Johnny Gardhouse also bought one and we picked up a friend at LAX in the masks. This was pre Sept 11. I then took the mask and used it on stage quite a bit for shorter sets. I would come on stage with the mask on and say that my head was so weird that the comedy club has asked me to wear it so people would laugh at my jokes only and not my head. Then I would get the whole audience to agree to not laugh at me. They always agreed so I would take off the mask and of course there would always be ne guy who would laugh at my head. So I put the mask back on and do the rest of the set with the mask on. It is hard to do comedy with your face covered but it was fun while it lasted. This pic is after a night in LA where I got hammered and put the mask on and passed out.       Fudge Boy       This was another character I developed called Fudge Boy. The superhero that fought for the insecurities of women everywhere. I would track down supermodels and force them to eat fudge and gain weight so women could feel better about themselves. On amateur nights we would have fudge boy come out and stand 30 minutes before the show started with a sign that said “coming soonfudge boy”. Fudge boy started as a gag where we got a tallbox and set it up on the street out front of the club. Jack  would play ringleader inviting people to see the extraordinary. People would have to climb on a chair and look down the top of the box. I sat in the bottom with just boxers, ring of fudge around my mouth and eating chocolate screaming “I’m full of FUDGE” Some people would freak out while others like the inventiveness. One lady would not leave she just kept saying how it was great what we were doing . Jack had to tell her to fuck off.We actually shot a day at the Exhibition one summer day and that is where this pic was from. I learned something that day. If you go somewhere with a costume on people stare and ask for your autograph or a picture. We filmed a short video that never went anywhere but it was a fun day of being stared at.       Styx Meet and Greet       Now I want to say off the top I am not a big fan of Styx. I have a friend who is a friend of Gowan who now sings for Styx. Over the years I have went to see them and did a few meet and greets. That is what these two pictures are from. The one is a group of guys who went with me including Tony Krolo. The other one is off me and the guitar player JY. Before the pic was taken I said to him “I loved you in the lion king” and then they took the picture. That is why I think he has a kinda dumb look on his face. He didn’t know what to say really. Maybe he didn’t get it or maybe he did and thought it was immature. I still laugh at the picture so maybe it was worth it after all.                 Emo Philips       There are three comics that are responsible for me doing comedy, Woody Allen, Sam Kinison and Emo Philips. I had the chance of meeting Emo in Toronto in 97. It was a big deal for me since I had listen to his tapes when I was a kid and knew them off by heart. He is still one of the best joke writers in the world. One of the only comics who has multiple listings in the vanity fair’s list of the best jokes of all time.I worked with Emo in 2002 in London Ontario. I was headlining the club and on the Thursday Emo did a one night show. I was pretty excited and to this day it was a highlight. How often do you get to open for someone you looked up to. Backstage I was just about to go on and was chatting with the other comic talking shop. A comics name came up and I said “I don’t work with him anymore fuck him!”

Now Emo knew this comic and asked me why I said that. I said tat I do not work with comics who do not respect other comics. This comic is known to talk down to new guys or amateurs and make them feel like shit. So after I said that to Emo, they were saying my name in the intro and Emo says to me “Well go getttem Fuckface” and I laughed so hard while walking onstage it took me two minutes to contain myself.

I also had to drive him back to Toronto that night and we had quite the nice conversation and argument about Canadian geography. Emo said that Manitoba borders Alberta and I kept saying he is forgetting Saskatchewan. At a gas station while paying for the gas I got recognized and emo didn’t. Sad really… great comic and mascot whore in a convenience store and I get recognized.       Japan Tour and Gay
Pride    

 

  In 2002, I went to visit a friend in Japan for a holiday and look into some work options. While I was there I always wanted to go to Tokyo and go to the park where they play western rock music. When we got there, it turned out to be the first ever gay pride parade. So the park was deserted of rock bands and had thousands of gay Japanese men. So of course what would I do but put on the Leather Chef outfit that I always have on me and take some pictures.While I was waving at the parade everyone was freaking out for a few reasons. One I was a foreigner in a crazy outfit and two I was yelling at them. I must have had my picture taken a thousand times by journalists and tv crews. It was getting pretty crazy. In the end I found a few rock bands to dance to.

The only phrase that I learned was watashiwa shewfu des which means “I am a housewife” Most people realized at that point I did not speak the language or I was a housewife with leather on. No need to learn “I don’t speak Japanese” in Japanese when you know “I am a housewife” Plus they laugh more.

While I was in Japan, I also went to a few bars with the outfit on and people laughed like crazy. That is where thebar shot is from. People either laughed uncontrollably or they asked me to leave very stone faced. You have to love the Japanese…no middle ground.

The pub Spice Girls was a “Massage Parlour” if you catch my drift. The Japanese love western culture and think as long it has English in it, it must be cool. At least they got one thing right…other then hand-jobs, what are the spice girls good for. Well except for Geri she is all about the unicef kids…so I guess she is good at underprivileged handjobs.               Comics that Whore       This picture was for an article for the national post. The angle is that standup comics are all throughout the tv world. We are able to get to the funny fast enough. The same guys are seen all the time. I am in the article for three lines but my naked ass is seen ion the picture. Do you now see what daddy will do for press. I would blow Alan Thicke if his show was still on. Not for a standup spot but for kirk cameron’s number.       Happy and Angry Darren       They say that LA takes all kind of people. Well there were two Darrens that day. One person once said that I am only happy when I am dancing to the stage to music but I disagree. I only have one other picture with a bigger shit eating grin. That pic is posted in the standup section.           ]]> http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/other/feed/ 0 Television http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/television/ http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/television/#comments Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:49:47 +0000 admin http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/?p=590 TV     Kojak   Who loves ya baby… nobody. So I had a really nice scene in the new kojak series that starred ving rhames. My scene was one where I played a convicted terrorist and an expert on bombs. For the auditioned I knew something was up when one of the producers would not even look at me when it was done. They just all kinda sat there and were creeped out .. I mean that in a good way. It is still kinda weird to walk out of a room where they all looked like they just witnessed the worst audition of all time. It was fun to shoot and the other actor kept saying during the shoot that i was really creeping him out. When you go look under creepy in the dictionary there will always be a little bag with my dna in it so when I die people still will be able to see what creepy is in the flesh.         Toronto Show   So this is a picture of why I should noo wear baby blue ever again. What was I thinking. This is a show that showcased toronto talent to twenty street kids in a warehouse. Seriously that was the audience on my taping night….the only people laughing was the crew cause they were old enough to understand sarcasm which is one of the easiest forms of comedy to get..who knew not for kids. Literally I am bombing and actually loving it cause I knew the material was good but these kids were not fans of it. I tried to sing … I tried to laugh… I tried to sell some kid some hash but no go. I was someone’s dad trying to pick them up at a kegger… dirty and sweating.         Comedy Now   Ok so here we go… settle in for this one. So this was my big comedy special where I watered it down so much it is see through in certain parts of the country. When you do tv for standup it is a give and take thing. I gave a lot for little in return. Other then being able to say to my child hey lets look what daddy did all those years ago before he gave up. You will never be happy with these kinds of shows cause editing really kills standup shows. They put jokes in that I was surprised and left ones out that killed and were tv clean. Hopefully when they run out of other people and realize that people like angry dirty comedy there will be another one. And when that times comes if I am not in a home for the diseased and aged..just look for me in the basement of my house writing romance novels. That is the future for me… fabio and me down by the schoolyard.         Gutterball Alley    
The show that could literally end all shows. The world is going to hell in a hand basket. I was a writer and actor on this “game
show” The show to see what would young people do for 50 bucks. Kinda like definition on acid or Let’s make a Deal with anal leakage. I did things on this show that my child is going to be ashamed of. To be honest that is why I did it. I will do anything as long as I feel it is funny. Anything. My crack whore character was used many times and some new ones were created. Helga the east german dog trainer. I cannot remember the name of the S&M chick. It is all a blur. I felt like heidi fleiss on the set of Hot Shots 2. Nudity…shocking rape references… nothing was to far for gutterball. It still airs on the comedy network and now on some network in the US. The least amount of money for shaking my ass. We all start somewhere. This is the one of the only things my parents ever asked why I did it. Yeah they are really proud of me… forty grand on a business education and I make out with strangers and let old women milk my tits. It’s all homo baby.     SketchCom       This was a show that was supposed to introduce Canada to a bunch of new emerging sketch troupes. I was in a group called Lame and Shooter with Tony Krolo, Winston Spear, Ian Sirota, Ophira Eisenberg and Tim Goodall. We had one episode with four sketches. It turned out really well and the three people who saw it loved it. The CBC screwed with the times and the show had no chance. The producers were the Airfarce guys. Up till that point, the biggest check in show business for one gig. I hope to post the sketches one day somewhere but I am not really in it much so fuck it.        Timothy Goes To School       The first animation that I was a regular on. It is aimed at preschoolers and was a huge hit. To this day when people find out that I was one of the Franks on the show they freak out and ask for my autograph. Kids love the Franks because they get into trouble all the time. To be honest my voice sounds like a retarded dog anda well paid one at that. The show taped for two years and there are only 26 episodes of it but it is played often. If you came to the website cause of my affiliation with the show then I apologize now for all the content that is not very Timothy like.       Medabots       This is a cartoon that originated in Japan and was re-dubbed for North America. I played various roles on it over the course of the 102 episodes. My main character is in the pic to the right…Sloan the little fat kid with a hat. I always end up with the characters that somehow look like me. I mean for years people said I looked like Bobby from King Of The Hill but enough was enough.       The War Next Door       This was a series for the USA network that was based on the Spy vs Spy comics of Mad magazine. I played a guy who just realizes he is gay right after going through a life changing moment. No research needed…I did not know what kind of character I was playing till I got to the set so the surprise was real. METHOD ACTOR for hire.       La Femme Nikita       I played a creepy doctor on the show for the USA network. For my audition I just had to do a few lines and stare creepy like to the camera. Hey if there is one thing I have mastered it is creepy. This was the second last episode of the show so people on the set where a little bummed but like any Canadian actor I was just happy I could pay rent.       After Hours       This was a show that was developed by a great Canadian comic named Kenny Robinson. It was a sketch show that was aimed at the four urban kids outside of Toronto. It was an edgy show with supposedly edgy comics doing standup. I did an episode where I appeared in the sketches. One of the funnier sketches I played a boyfriend to Nikki Payne. If you have never heard of Nikki she is a great comic from the east coast who is ripping it up in the clubs. We played internet swingers who tried to woo Kenny and his wife for some “fun”. We played it up for all it’s humpiness glory. The show lasted only one season. Kenny is still one of the greats of standup and anyone who like political humour should check him out.       Mike Bullard       Oh the stories I could tell. I have not been a guest on the Mike Bullard show since October 98 for bullshit politics of the business. Well at first it was politics, then it became fuck it I don’t need the MB show. When the show was in development the producers and mike approached me to be the Larry Bud of their show. Be the dancing monkey/wacky guy who does all the crazy stuff. I said sure and even did a few things in the beginning for free because I was friends with Mike and I wanted the show to be a success.That is where the picture of me in my boxers comes in. I use to box amateurs off stage at comedy clubs when they go long and the head writer saw me do it. So he wrote a bit where I was given away to an audience member who could tell the best joke. It was a pretty funny bit. I was supposed to act wacky after each joke and I punched myself after  one and fell on the ground. There was a sharp pain after I got up but stayed in character all show. At the end of the show they had the band that was on that night pile on top of me. Sure sounds cute but when I fell at the beginning of the show I actually cracked a rib so after the show I had to go to the hospital and get checked up.

After a bunch of bullshit I appeared on the show as a standup where I killed during the set and did panel. I spoke to Mike pre-show and told him we should tell the one story that always cracked mike up. Mike and I were in Windsor and on an hotel elevator going to the top floor. Halfway up, an old women gets on board and as we continue up she turns to mike and says “what is wrong with your kid”. Mike almost chocked he was laughing so hard and I laughed as well once the lady left the elevator.

Sounds like a cute show biz story but of course it was not meant to be. When I spoke to mike pre-show I told him I will tell the story and he can have the punch line “hey what is wrong with your kid”. He said great and away we went butonce we got to the story he fucked up the line and said “how old is your little boy” What the FUCK…..I mean I know he is under stress of the show but if you cannot do the line leave it to me. Sure the line is still funny but not as funny as the right line. Mike said he just blanked on the line and made it up.

That still is my only appearance on the show. Later we pulled a stunt on the show when the show was rude to the Gutterball gang. I ran out with some t-shirts as Mike interviewed Wade the host. All I had on was a shirt wrapped around my waist and I threw out t-shirts to the audience and left the one around my crotch for Mike. I ran up to Mike and pulled it off and threw it on his head. You should have seen his face….I will never forget that face. It was worth it. Sorry to the four people in Saskatoon who watched the show.       Degrassi       Well it was only a matter of time for me to appear on this show. This episode was directed by Bruce Macdonald. I played a Go train employee, this role was the shortest one for me. Less then three seconds screen time. This also was the fattest I ever looked on screen. No more ties and high collars. During lunch I tried to sell Wheels some smack.       Ed The Sock       Since I am friends with the human host Craig Campbell, I was approached by the Sock people. They wanted me to sit in a hot tub with porn stars for the entire episode. Two problems… one I am not a huge fan of porn stars and two, the water was cold. So the only way I thought it would be funny is for me to play it scared. So I spent the whole episode trying to stay away from the “ladies”. During the commercial breaks they kept trying to make me relax.”Don’t be shy…We are not going to touch you anywhere you are not comfortable with….Do you like girls”

The “ladies” never knew the gag til the end. The other guy who won thought he was in heaven the whole time. One of the Ladies recognized me at the end and asked me to sign something for her husband. The pics tell a thousand words. I could have sold the water on ebay. ]]> http://www.darrenfrost.com/blog/2009/01/01/television/feed/ 0